Why Are You Still At Home?

This is the greatest article! It completely explains why I do what I do. And this week I have had to keep both my girls home all week long because they've been sick. I think that proves the point. My kids need me. School is just for a few hours 5 out of 7 days. Just enough time for me to help at school and keep the house in order so I can focus on them in the afternoons and evenings when they are home. I have the best job in the world. I am so blessed!

Subject: Why Are You Still At Home? Responses for Stay-at-Home Parents of School-Age Kids
Date: 2001-08-27

Why Are You Still At Home?
Responses for Stay-at-Home Parents of School-Age Kids
By Lucynda Koesters


So you're a stay-at-home parent of kids in school. It's back to school time and you just know you're going to get those questions and comments from people, some well-meaning and some not. You know: "What are you going to do all day now that the kids are in school?" "Are you going back to work?" "Can't you get a part-time job?" "Aren't you going to get bored?" "Don't you feel guilty not working?"

No matter how much you brace yourself for this onslaught, you still cringe when the questions arrive. Part of it probably is a little guilt you feel because you have no intention of returning to any work outside the home. That's ok, because it is societal pressure that makes you feel this way. Everyone is supposed to work at a job in this country. While we pay lip service to the at-home parent of small children, it is somehow wrong for a parent of school-age children to remain at home.

Responding to these inquiries in a pleasant and non-defensive frame of mind is very hard to do, but it is not impossible. What's required is a firm belief in your chosen way of life.

Why ARE you at home with children who are now back in school for most of the day? Why AREN'T you going back to work? What are the benefits of being at home at this stage of family life?

Sorry, but to successfully handle the inquiries, you must be able to answer these questions in your own mind. The first step is getting rid of the guilt and gaining a firm belief in yourself and your chosen lifestyle. To help you get started, reflect on these benefits of a stay-home parent:
A stay-home parent is usually the last person children see and talk to before they leave and the first person to greet them when they arrive home. Children derive a great sense of security from knowing a parent is available to them immediately before and after school. Children have a chance to get valuable words of encouragement in the morning and an opportunity to share their day in the afternoon. Children are also greatly supported in the knowledge that mom or dad is at home and available during the day in case of a problem at school.

A stay-home parent can get household chores, cooking and errands done during the school day, thereby freeing up the valuable afternoon hours to help with homework and creating true family time in the evenings.

A stay-home parent often has the freedom and flexibility to volunteer at the children's school during the school day. Seeing the parent's involvement, children learn to value their education. The parent gets an invaluable understanding of the inner workings of the school and how the children spend time there. Parents develop better relationships with teachers, school staff and other parents, increasing the children's sense of security.

A stay-home parent is often a less-stressed parent, fully available to support the needs of the family in the after-school hours. Having a calm and content parent to anchor the family is a great benefit to all members.
Now that you have reviewed a few reasons you are not going to work, what do you say to all these people who question your choices? Here are a few diplomatic and non-threatening responses:
I plan to remain at home to be available before and after school for the kids, and to volunteer at school during the day. Between housework, homework and school duties, I will keep very busy.

Our family really needs me to remain at home - it's worked out well so far, and I plan to continue as long as possible.

The children like the fact that I'm home. They like coming home after school instead of going to the after-care program. It gives us time to complete homework before going to soccer practices.

During the day, there are a million things to get done at home; I'm really very busy. But, I like to have afternoons and evenings free for the family, so I plan to stick to this schedule.
So, the next time you encounter some well-meaning, or maybe not so well-meaning friend or relative firing off questions about your lifestyle, remain calm and pleasant and answer them with quiet conviction that your lifestyle is best for you and your family.

Lucynda Koesters is a stay-home mom of two school-age kids and a free-lance writer, concentrating on family issues. Write her at: lkoestrs@venus.net