I have three options?

Okay, so the nurse calls this afternoon after cooly telling me this is "not a viable pregnancy". She tells me she's spoken with the doctor and I have three options. Here they are:

1) I can just let things go and wait it out. (no further appointments, just go with the flow, see what happens, what is inevitable)
Okay, I already feel totally in the dark as to what is going on with my body, so this is not cool. I've practically begged for more answers and a chance to talk with the doctor, only to be left with short phone conversations and lab techs who know nothing or can't say anything without talking to the doctor who doesn't have time to talk to me.

2) I can schedule a D & C.
What the heck? Okay, we don't know what's going on, don't know why I have a pool of blood in my uterus, don't have a clue why this could be an unhealthy pregnancy, and the doctor hasn't even personally seen me (nor has the nurse), but he's willing to scrape my insides out. She played this one up, telling me it would be nice to have it scheduled so I knew when to expect everything. Sounds too much like an abortion to me. Not that I feel particularly up to the challenge of a special-needs kid, but I don't want to just scrape it out. Whatever. Next option?

3) I can schedule another ultrasound.
Okay, sounds like the smartest choice to me. Let's dig a little deeper and find out what is going on. Let's not just take the word of an inexperienced ultrasound tech, who admitted to me she'd never done an ultrasound that early in a pregnancy before, and one set of blood tests... makes sense to me that maybe there's more info to be found out, more questions I still haven't gotten answered because I can't get through the answering system and talk to a real person.

I tell her I want option 3. She said she expected as much from me and said the earliest they could get me in was Tuesday afternoon.
Oh, and she said we'd just keep my original date of Sept 8 (supposed to be my first OB visit of this pregnancy) as a FOLLOW UP appointment. To her, my baby is already in the past and we've got a follow-up visit scheduled. So, this ultrasound is just to humor me.
Nice.

So, I decide to make a 4th option for myself.

I found a new doctor.

I called up Dr. Salazar's office this afternoon. Probably just a couple hours or less before closing time. The nice office lady takes down all my information and promises a return call by tomorrow afternoon. Already more than what my current office has done. (Did I tell you how annoyed they were when I called Tuesday wanting to know the results of my first blood test? "There's nothing to tell, this is just a baseline for tomorrow's test." I'm so sorry to bother you, I just wanted to know if my baby is alive or not.)
Within about 10 minutes, maybe less, the doctor's nurse calls me up and asks me more details. She listened so well and offered consolation and validated me (good women know this is so important to do for us), then asked me more questions about the ultrasound, the timing of the blood tests, anything she can gather. She was so sweet to me. She talked with me for several minutes, didn't seem annoyed even once, and didn't seem rushed. She told me that you can never see the yolk sac or heartbeat at 5 weeks, so that should not have been such an alarm. She did say, though, that the lack of doubled numbers does seem to indicate it is not a healthy pregnancy. But she did not write me off and wish me well with my miscarriage like the other nurse (did I tell you that when I freaked out, begging the nurse to tell me what to expect since I'd never had a miscarriage, she just said "Just call us if you fill a pad with blood in 30 minutes or less because that's too much bleeding. Other than that, there's nothing we can do").

Dr. Salazar was in an emergency c-section surgery. They didn't expect him to return to the office today, so promised a phone call sometime tomorrow. But, no, I received a phone call around 4:30 (all my other doctor offices would be closed by now) and the nurse said she talked with Dr. Salazar, told him my whole story, and he wants to see me tomorrow afternoon. WOW. That is a doctor who cares about his patients, even the one he's never met yet.

So, even if this ends not-so-happily, I've got myself a good, caring doctor now for the next round. Yea, I'm pretty sure now that there's a third spirit up there waiting to come to earth. I can't abandon him/her now.

So, then I decide I want to find out more info on these HCG numbers that have doomed me to hell and back. Here's the first thing I found:

In general, the HCG level will double every 2-3 days in early pregnancy. (note: "in general", not ALL the time)

85% of normal pregnancies will have the HCG level double every 72 hours. (note: 85%, not 100% AND in 72 hours, NOT 46!!!!!)

HCG levels peak at about 8-10 weeks of pregnancy and then decline, remaining at lower levels for the rest of the pregnancy.

There is a large variation in a "normal" HCG level for any given time in pregnancy.

Pregnancies destined to miscarry or to be ectopic (tubal) pregnancies tend to show lower levels (eventually), but often have normal levels initially.

Some normal pregnancies will have quite low levels of HCG - and deliver perfect babies. Caution must be used in making too much of HCG "numbers". Ultrasound findings after 5-6 weeks of pregnancy are much more predictive of pregnancy outcome than are HCG levels.

So, there you have it. Hmm, this other doctor was ready to scrape my insides up based on a number that isn't even as accurate as a stick I pee on. Seems a little too anxious to get me out of their hair and move on the the next patient.

Let me also say that even though I went in initially because I was experiencing some light bleeding, I have not had that going on since Monday morning, nor have I had any cramping at all. I did bleed a little with Bridget, so I wasn't in a panic, just wanted to check on things since I'm 33 and feeling a little "old" this time.
Let me also say that it was not a full 48 hours between my blood tests. Granted, I should have gone up to 8,000 beta whatever numbers, but I want a redo. Maybe I'm stupid, but I'm just not ready to give up.

Here's a little more info I found online:

Q: Should my hCG level be checked routinely?
A: It is not common for doctors to routinely check your hCG levels unless you are showing signs of a possible problem. A health care provider may recheck your levels if you are bleeding, experiencing severe cramping, or have a history of miscarriage.

Key things to remember about hCG levels:
• In about 85% of normal pregnancies, the hCG level will double every 48 - 72 hours. As you get further along in pregnancy and the hCG level gets higher, the time it takes to double can increase to about every 96 hours.

• Caution must be used in making too much of hCG numbers. A normal pregnancy may have low hCG levels and result in a perfectly healthy baby. The results from an ultrasound after 5 - 6 weeks gestation are much more accurate than using hCG numbers.

• A single hCG reading is not enough information for most diagnoses. When there is a question regarding the health of the pregnancy, multiple testings of hCG done a couple of days apart give a more accurate assessment of the situation. (this is the part that makes me angry--why didn't I get a third blood test?)

All I want is some decent health care. I want to be more than a number or a voice mail, just another call to have to reply to. I am a person with feelings and fear of the unknown. I want answers to what is happening so that I can avoid a repeat of the same situation. I want someone with a degree who will be sending me a huge bill to at least act like he is concerned about my well-being and my baby's full-term health.

I can accept what is to come. I can accept my body is far from perfect and has undergone many changes over the last several months. I can accept I'm having a miscarriage (well, after decent proof). I can accept God's will and take my trials like a woman. But I think I deserve better medical treatment. I have more than three options. I will be going in to the other office in the morning to get my ultrasound pictures and my hCG numbers and canceling that ultrasound scheduled for Tuesday. I will be going to Dr. Salazar tomorrow and I will find out what is going on.

That's right, I choose option #4, the one I just made for myself and my future child, whenever s/he decides to join us.
I shall return and report.