Thursday, August 21, 2008

This totally sucks

Well, so much for having another baby in April.
I just got the call a little while ago. My numbers didn't double. They did increase by a little less than a hundred and that's it. I guess that means something is still going on, but as the nurse put it, "it is not a viable pregnancy and I should expect to have a miscarriage".
I don't understand. I've not had any cramping and I've not been spotting this week since Monday morning. What in the world is going on inside my body?? I guess I just have to sit around and wait for the inevitable to happen.
I just feel sick. I am so heartbroken.
I know things could be worse and I am still counting my many blessings. I still know Heavenly Father loves me and is aware of my trials.
But, this still totally sucks.
I don't know what else to say.

3 comments:

craptasticcancer.blogspot.com said...

Hi Elaine!
I got your blog address off the amber alert email. Your kids are SO big! You guys all look great! I'm sorry about your struggles. My kids don't come when I want them to also. It isn't fun, the whole waiting game. Hang in there! I know Heavenly Father will bless you!
Heidi

Tyson & Tera Smith said...

Oh E!!!
I know you don't want to talk about it but I just wanted to let you know I saw your blog and am so sorry! You are right, Heavenly Father has a plan and you'll get through this. It sucks so bad, but time will heal you. Just waiting for that time to pass though is the hard part. I will say a little prayer for you. You are such a sweetheart, hang in there. Love you lots,
Tera

Elaine said...

No worries, Tera... the emails and blogging has been therapeutic for me. I'm just not up for seeing people and talking in person where I'd have to think and speak all at once. I enjoy taking my time, editing, and rereading my thoughts like this, and reading people's support and experiences in this way. I just don't want to explain what I don't understand over the phone or in person over and over... Once i feel like I've grasped better what is going on, I'll be ready for live interaction. Until then, long live the internet, blogging, emailing, texting and the like!
Love,
E

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